20 things I’ve learned living in my 20s

The other day, my Aunt told me “you na even 30 yet? You geh, life na start until 30. Live small yah”. What she meant was I have barely experience the greatest part of my life and I need to enjoy the ride through life. I might not be 30, but I have to say it has been an eventful ride so far. I am here to share a few things I’ve learn so far. Hope these speak to you or help you see life in another way.  If nothing else, just another list of things you see on the internet that stick with you. Here we go: 

  1. LOVE does not hurt, but people who say they love us hurt us the most. Often times I hear people saying you have to struggle in love and that love can be tough at times. I just think life in general can be tough, but love is the one thing that is actually easy.  Love is selfless and very kind. When done the right way, it is so easy. Love should not be hurtful or full of doubt. That is that.
  1. HEARTBREAK should be called Heartbreaking. I am not sure why they call it heart break since the entire thing is such a  long process. It is a continuous cycle of hurt, regret, distractions, more hurt, more distractions, and so on. I like to the think of it as the breaking of a plate on the kitchen floor. The noise is obviously disturbing, but then imagine picking up each of those pieces with your bare hands. You might cut a finger, make more mess or both. A heartbreak just sucks, but it goes away eventually…it really just takes time. 
  1. Being a CHRISTIAN does not mean being perfect. The best thing about being a Christian is being able to experience the power of forgiveness. God love is beyond amazing that even when we are still in our sinful ways, he loves us. The grace of God makes it okay to not be perfect and I have learn that. Perfection is not necessary because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. So we need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves as followers of Christ.
  1. Sugar is the Devil. Yes! I want you all to keep saying this until you drop those chocolate bars. People like to say chocolate fixes everything. IT DOES NOT! Desserts is in fact stressed spelled backwards, but it doesn’t mean eating chocolate will bring you less stress. Sugar will lead to so many health problems including what I am a victim of; tooth decay. Stay away from sugar as much as you can. Just say no and keep it moving. You have not seen pain until you go through toothaches. It is NOT worth it.
  1. To my ladies: All MEN are not Dogs. Just because you met a couple of Chihuahuas in your life does not mean you should run around calling all the men dogs. There are so many breeds of dogs out there. If the chihuahuas wont cut it, get a pit bull. It is just sad to hear young women say “they are all the same”. Seriously? Have you tried them all?
  1. SEX is not overrated. You might have had some bad experiences, but stop running around saying sex is overrated. It is not. Sex is a very important part of most relationships. You have to be responsible and have conversations about sex with your partner. Stop telling your friends about your bad experiences- help your partner. Sex is such a taboo subject for many of us, we don’t even know what we are missing so we join the crowd to say it is overrated. Stop it. 
  1. Do not Believe lives on Social media- Social Media makes everyone keep constant watch on everyone. It creates a pressure to show everyone your life in a certain way. However, I have learned to stay in my own lane and keep my eyes on the road ahead of me. Do not feel the need to look around too much or you might crash or run into other people. What do I mean? Stop believing everything you see on social media. That perfect couple you are saying “#goals” to, might just be Tom and Jerry in real life. You cannot set your life goals based on what people are posting. Those beautiful places and beaches have stories you’ll never be able to live through. I have learned to just scroll through and take it as it is.  People forget we actually know them in real life. #DontBelievetheHype 
  1. You do not need too many FRIENDS. The older I get, I have come to understand that it is in fact perfectly normal to have only a few friends. Everyone you know or is acquainted with does not automatically become a friend. In kindergarden that might be the case, but the hash realities of life teaches us that friends are the ones that weather the storm. Most people are just around during the sunshine. Be wise and choose wisely. 
  1. Stay at HOME  every now and then. I know how great the outdoors can be. I’ve had my share of wild weekends and the outdoors. I just want to go on the record here and say nothing beats staying at home. You have to just sit there sometimes and enjoy your own company.  No one ever said being home on a Friday means you lose your cool. Once in a while, just sit back, grab a good movie or book and call it a night. 
  1. Get a Mentor or Be a Mentor. We cannot make all the mistakes ourselves. You have to be able to walk in the shadow of someone who walked where you want to go. You must be willing to give back to people and places that contribute to your life. I’ve learned so much from my mentor and continues to consult him for life decisions. Think of them as a compass through life. 
  1. Travel is a must! The world is too big for the short time we have, so try to explore it as much as possible. You will not know what is out there unless you go. The people and places I’ve been have shaped the person I am becoming. You must travel to appreciate where you are. It does not have to be far or cross cultural, just leave where you are and see the difference it makes. 
  1. You cannot please everyone. This one is pretty simply. A man and his wife was riding a donkey. People walked by and said they were being cruel to the donkey. They traded and carried the donkey. People walked by again and this time said they were stupid. How else will they have gotten to their destination if they kept trying to please people? You have to live a life that is satisfying for you. People will always have something to say- let them. 
  1. Integrity is EVERYTHING. It doesn’t matter how rich, old or beautiful you are, if you lack integrity nothing else matters. It paints the picture of who you really are when nobody else is around. This is the foundation of character. You have to be willing to sacrifice everything to uphold your values and never compromise your integrity- ever! 
  2. Growth is painful. This one I am still dealing with. When you grow you have to expand and that can mean cutting off people, adding new people, changing goals, building new plans, etc. These things are difficult to do. If you are like me, you attach personal relationships to every aspect of your life, so it become painful to grow. You cannot grow if you remain in the same spot so we must appreciate the pain of growth. 
  1. Social media makes your business our business. It is just plain stupid to tell people to mind your business on any social media outlet. Just face it, you put it out there becuase you want others to know. With that being said, no one has to know when your aunt sally is being carried away to the mortuary- keep that picture to yourself! Your pinky toe is bruised, I don’t need to see that either. You broke up with your “no good piece of sh*t” boyfriend the 3rd time this week, don’t put it on there because guess what? When you are back together we have to pretend like you didn’t just call him “no good peice of sh*t”. The rules are simply, share what you want people to know. Though I have learned people want you to know everything! 
  1. Let a CRUSH stay a crush! Sometimes we are simply attracted to the unknown. The best part about a crush is all the fantasy you create about them.  If you see a sexy person everyday and you day dream of being with them, keep it that way. 9 out of 10 times when you approach that person, they are nothing like your fantasy. Don’t mess up a good thing. Just enjoy them as whatever perfection you’ve stored them as in your head. Okay sweetie? 
  1. Free is not Free! I cannot emphasize this enough. There is always a price for free things. When someone tells you don’t pay for something, they simply means you owe me a favor if I deliver shady service in the future. It also means you are not allowed to complain about my terrible ways later. I am telling you just like I tell most people- free things are even more expensive than the original price. The next time you see a FREE sign, run! 
  1. WOMEN are our own enemies. I know this sounds crazy since we are suppose to be all nurturing and what not. Trust me, when women start lifting and supporting each other, we will find the peace the world so desperately needs. I’ve seen guys sleep with the same woman, shake hands and move on. Women? The battle will continue for years. The friends of women who are not even present for the battle will hate other woman simply because their friends hate them. I mean real HATE. The same hate that start riots and wars. Why can’t we all just get along? 
  1. KARMA is not a B*tch. Karma gets the job done. Why are we such ungrateful people? Someone hurts you and Karma hurts them back & we go around calling her a b*tch? I personally think Karma is a Queen. There were times that I wished Karma had an address so I can send her some flowers for a job well done. This world is way too small to go around hurting people ignoring the wheel will eventually come back around. We should all give a huge round of applause for Queen Karma. Thank you.
  1. Just do YOU. It sounds simple or like a cliché, but it’s so easy to be doing what everyone else is doing.  These days social media (especially Instagram) makes it so easy for people to peep into the lives of others and start making comparison to theirs. Most times, there are stories behind the post we see. You have to focus on YOU to get the results YOU want. Yes, you might be doing it in a different way and getting there at a different pace, but keep doing YOU. An African proverb says if you mind the noise in the market, you will not buy your goods. Don’t mind these instagram lives and filter faces to deter you from what YOU got going. Keep going boo- you got this. 

1 thought on “20 things I’ve learned living in my 20s”

  1. I LOVE #15 and #20! I’m always curious when people break up on social media after posting many photos of them and the person together. Also, I’m learning everyday to just do me! 🙂 Another great post!

    Like

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